I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
