she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
