Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just tell him i said nine months
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize