OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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