I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
