If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
