Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize