Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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