also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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