I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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