I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
