Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
