it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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