I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
