Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still dying that you shit outside
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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