there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize