so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
