he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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