Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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