walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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