i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
