His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was confusing and full of hummus
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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