Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
