my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The adults are the big ones right?
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