i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
