I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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