HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
