your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
