The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
