please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
