if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
