Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
