Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
