i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize