Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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