I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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