he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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