My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
