Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
