there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
