I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize