She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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