enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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