I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
