I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
