I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
