I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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