what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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