Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
