Jerry, you need to find god
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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