Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
