I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
