i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
