based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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