Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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