Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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