using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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