Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
