i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
