So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
