I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
