Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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