I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
