I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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