I'm really into asian looking animals
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
