Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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