Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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