i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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