I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
