who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
