you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
