How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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