The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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