You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
