now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
