i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
